I’ve spotted this song as the runt of this month-long litter. It demands the most attention yet might only achieve passable status in the end. Aaaargh!

Was happy to leave that song alone and for a while and move on to “Calabash” a weird little song about a party of people not unlike the Donners who migrate west in search of gold, get consumed by the coldest winter on record and die off.  That’s almost what the ill-fated Winter Dance Party was like- no one got rich there.

Feeling confident  I turned to “Heart Breaking Machine,” a demo of which I constructed in Garageband over Christmas vacation. It being also being The Big Bopper death anniversary, it felt right working on his ersatz tribute song—the “Heart Breaking Machine” referred to in the title is, after all, the telephone over which so much breakup data is transferred and stored. Slapped some bass, handclaps and vocals on it-it’s nearly done. Poor Bopper —will the movie people ever come for you?

I clenched my body like a fist and screamed the lyrics to “Don’t Lose That Rock Child.” It felt right, what with no one being in the house and all.

Ruined my voice for “Friendly Angel” although I did get enough good stuff that I don’t have to redo the whole thing. Thought I could get a good finger snapping sound by sampling the beginning of “Killer Queen” but like most lazy experiments – it’s probably best to just keep doing them yourself. It doesn’t sound as creepy as I originally had it, without vocals but it still is strange.

So five songs in pretty decent shape. Went to bed at 3 AM where there was only a dozen people on the RPM Challenge site–I imagine everyone is playing Spot-the-Runt tonight.

The melody sounds lazy to me instead of pretty, like a first draft.

I haven;t figured out how to sing this one. I hate HATE HATE HATE!!!!!!  my first vocal attempt and all today I’ll be listening to Buddy Holly with an idea to try and sing it gentle and not in my usual McGruff the CrimeDog voice. “Everyday” is a good song to work from. Maybe I’ll add some knee slapping and glockenspiel. Maybe it would get it to sound less like a Mind Games outtake. I was trying to get this album to sound less Beatle-y but solo Beatles is hardly the answer.

I cut a passable slide guitar part, my first time ever attempt and my fingers are not quite where I’d like them to be.

I attempted to get a music box sound  for the guitars by changing the pitch and also running it through Garageband helium, an effect I wish Reason had. Both were fails. In olden days, you could record on tape, slow it down to half speed ad record on that and you’d get the Bob Welch “Sentimental Lady” sound I’m looking for. I was  dumbfounded on how I can achieve that digitally last night (“Where’s the easy button ? I can’t find it. Wah!” But time away from the computer and the lava lamp has given me an idea.

Today begins my third RPM Challenge  recording an entire album from start to finish in the merry month of February. Last year I did a 24 track album called 24 Originals Happening Now which I still feel is the best thing I’ve ever done so it will be very hard to top quality wise. This year I may not even try. For those of you who have ever been annoyed by music that I purposefully designed to please you in the past, with this new album I am going to try purposefully annoying you and see if you are inadvertently pleased with the results.

The new record will be called Winter Trance Party in commemoration of tomorrow’s 51st anniversary of the ill-fated “Winter Dance Party” that claimed the lives of Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens and the Big Bopper and the 45th anniversary of the suicide of Joe Meek. All four musical icons will figure somehow musically in the album, tentatively budgeted at 12 to 14 songs and under 40 minutes. I’ve also written a children’s story called Winter Trance Party that some of the album will be based on. Overall, everything will have a cold and wintry feel to it. I’m in Phoenix where it’s about 68 degrees at the moment but when I wrote and recorded demos for a lot of the songs. I purposefully let the house get to a chilly 56 degrees. I hope when you play the resulting album, you will feel that lack of warmth.

I have about 15 new song ideas, some more fleshed out than others in demo form. And yet I’m missing the crucial side one closer song that would make people want to flip over the imaginary vinyl album to side two (because I still dream in vinyl). Around midnight I sat down with Reason and a sample from The Raindrops and nothing else and hoped  I’d come up with that closer. Instead I came up with a song that would be a great side two opener called “Don’t Lose That Rock Child”. Both are key song positions so I’m glad to have it. I’m of a mind that too many albums in the CD age get all aimless and dull in the middle and they’re too long to ever get to the end of anymore (my 24 song opus included- although it was a great album for an hour-long drive). Putting an album out on vinyl meant you had to start off strong and end stronger twice in one set, making for more classic albums. At least I hope so. Yesterday on Facebook I took an informal poll (because, really, is there a better kind?) and found out what people’s favorite side 1 closer was. Most people named Beatles cuts, which shouldn’t really count since almost every song of theirs sounds good enough to close a side. This album is trying to stay away from Beatles or British invasion sounds this time and concentrate more on pre-Fab and post-Fab music.

OK, so what this album needs is a “Stairway to Heaven” or “Let It Bleed.” Or “Time Waits For No One.”  And the pressure in on to come up with a song that will probably sound forced and suck!

…says award winning writer, author, musician and rock and roll sneerster Serene Dominic.

Google Image standing as of March 9, 2011.

UPDATE: I may not amount to a pile of dust and bones in the end but for now when you Google Image the word  “Snob” my picture now comes in SECOND, pulling ahead of Cartoon Guy but still just behind Obama. Number 2 for the world, people! Two insufferable slots ahead of Gwyneth Paltrow and since she’s gotten a record deal, I suspect she will be breathing down cartoon guy’s neck very shortly. And do note that since the Commander-in-Chief is an artist rendering, my smug mug in a smoking jacket and ascot is the first real photographic proof of snobbery you will see in the real world.

How did this happen? In 1997 I wrote a very brief column for Phoenix New Times called  “A Snob’s Guide to Rock.” From there I used it on various Serene Dominic websites and now whenever somebody posts an offensively self- satisfied comment on a blog or news article, this is the picture they frequently use. This may not seem huge to you but look at it this way— out of 2,120,000 results, I’m the third most recognized snob in the known Google Universe!!!! Liberals use me to send up  Tea Party loonies, and right wingnuts use me to beat down Dems. And me, like Casper the Friendly Ghost, caught in the middle just trying to be friendly. And look, I’m even spawning imitators, look at Number 4 Pipe guy!! DORK!

Perhaps the reason for the increase in hits is due to the fact that I am joining  in with you users and hijacking my snooty likeness for my upcoming CD, 24 Originals Happening Now. Also, I’ve started a YouTube channel where you can see videos for each of the 24 songs before the month is up. Subscribe Now! This one goes out to my Facebook friends. See if you can see your name. Rest assured you are still in good standing.

As far as automation mixing  is concerned, I couldn’t have picked a worse song to accidentally press the Automation Button in Record/Reason, than “Let’s See Other People,” the ersatz “We are the World” charity single anthem that closes the first half of the 24 song program. My original idea was to hold a party, invite a bunch of friends to clap and step up to the microphone and sing an insensitive line or two and that would make up the fictitious “Friends of Antarctica.” But time would not allow such a luxury so I spent most of this weekend piling on the handclaps and vocals to get an ego-filled chorale from hell.

And I’ve got to admit, it was quite a lot of fun putting the names of “Michael McDonald,” “Patti LaBelle” “Brother Ray” and “Cyndi Lauper” on the tracks where I tried to emulate them to get it to sound like not six dozen of me. Then I realized it would be great to sample Barbra Streisand doing the word “pee-pulllll!” at the end so I sampled her off YouTube, the 1964 Broadway Funny Girl version if you care, and slapped Babs into the fray.

What I hadn’t anticipated was accidentally triggering the automation button and after copying tracks that all had it selected, it was literally as if every one wanted to hog the mike and turn their faders up at the most inopportune time. Brother Ray and Michael M were the worst offenders in this respect and I just went in and deleted a lot of parts but there are still some “celebrity goobers” ruining every mix. I anticipated trouble from Patti Labelle, who went down as the big hog the mc lady for her efforts on this and Live Aid, so I left her caterwauling scream for the very end.

My voice has bounded back and I will probably lose it again after Wednesday’s show but I’m almost done all of my tracking on that front. But now I’ve opened up the invitation to a few fellow RPM Challengers but with only  a few days left, I’m not holding my breathe.

Fig 1

Since we are passed the half-way mark on the RPM Challenge, I’ve devised a song progress chart based on the much beloved NATIONAL THREAT ALERT LEVELS (see Figure 1) and its color codes to help me and other home recorders like me from getting stuck and running out of time. The great thing about such a challenge is that the strict deadline does wonders for your creativity. At least it does for me. As you can see from my checklist, I’m in pretty good shape, with only one song in RED ALERT (The much-threatened Italian ballad which is sure to be dropped from the final 24 if my collaboration with Danish popmeister Monopoli shows up in the next week. Seven songs are in GREEN ALERT, meaning all they need is a final vocal and mix, ten songs in BLUE ALERT (requiring a guest musician to finish tracking on this song.This week will be the cutoff point for that and after that I’ll have to assume those duties myself.

Fig. 2

The newest song “Queensbury Rules” understandably needs more work as I’m still figuring the structure out and finalizing parts  so it gets a YELLOW ALERT along with “Agony” which needs some lyrics scribbled down and “Eye Throb” which just needs some snipping and editing on the drum parts. Needing more than a few re-recorded parts are  “Strength Was Always Your Weakness,”  “That Longing” and two others coming in for ORANGE ALERT.

This is kinda like my White Album beacause it’s so many songs and so all over the place. If anything broke up the Beatles, it’s the amount of days and nights Paul forced the others to play “Obla-Di Obla-Da” over and over.  Things haven’t gotten that tense yet but so far the song that could force me to break up is “Yellow Shampoo.” It’s missing something (keys?? helium voices???). I’ve done a little tinkering with it every night this week and it’s not finished. Spent the bulk of tonight cutting vocals and pasting in little backwards horns and vocals from a Christmas record (“Jingo Jango” by Bert Kaempfert for those people who collect such information.” “Independent Thought” also features a sample from The Magic of Christmas, a 3-record Columbia House compilation that I conveniently digitized for my family this yuletide with all the original 1972 crackles and skips intact.)

I think I’ve finally dialed in “Your Heart Ain’t Saying What Your Mouth Is Thinking,” save for one or two vocal inconsistencies you can hear on this hasty video of it!

The proposed album cover!

For the second year in a row, Serene Dominic has taken on the RPM Challenge and recording an album from start to finish in the month of February. This time he’s doing a 24 song psuedo “various artists” compilation that will assume a different stylistic sound on every cut.

Follow the day-to-day progress with his daily slog, I mean blog and new postings of demos and mixes on the jukebox.

Day 1: Have your filler material ready!
Day 2: Real Revolting or How about those Egyptians?
Day 3: Prog Rock Progress Report
Day 4: When in doubt, speak sing it!
Days 5 & 6: Record/Reason & the Lava Lamp- it’s on!
Day 7 : Thanks Andy Samford & the Emergency Broadcast System
Day 8:  My son gets the recording bug!
Day 9: This one is for the RPM Ladies!
Day 10: How much time do you spend on a song?
Day 11: Songs are making me late for work!
Days 12-14: What the %#@*@ does Steampunk sound like?
Day 15: The Song Threat Alert Level Chart!

Photo by Leanne Van Camp. Notice how much whiter the spotlight looks It's because Serene spilled a pint of confetti that later took over 20 minutes for him to vacuum!

Thanks to everyone who came down to the Lost Leaf last night (Jan 19) to hang with two Serene Dominic alter-egos, The Human Torch and Manalone. Because we pride ourselves on statistics here at the Appreciation Society, you’ll note that Manalone did his customary 40 minute set while the Human Torch managed a sprawling one hour, 22 minutes and 8 second show, including four new songs*, two that didn’t even have proper lyrics yet. SPOILER ALERT: He tossed in the words to Barry Manilow’s “Mandy”  every time he got stuck for new verses.

Serene returns to the Lost Leaf  on February 17 for two sets, solo and with M.B.E. If you missed it, and if I know human nature you did, here’s a set list for last night’s show.

Manalone set:
The Lights Go Down and Out
Unfriend Me
Me & My Big Heart
Reaching for a Memory in the Fire
The Evil All Men Do (Bacharach medley)
You Folks Look Wonderful From Here
The Silent Clowns
Dress You Paint You
I’m a Taker

Human Torch set
Foolish Foolish Girl
This is a Man’s World
The Uncontrollable Woman
A Whiter Shade of Pale
If Tallelulah Was Mine*
My Secret Life
Afraid of the Sun
Solar System
What Are You In For?*
Drop of a Hat
I’ve Got So Much to Forgive*
|A Man Without Love (inst)
Your Heart Won’t Say What Your Mind Is Thinking*
The Desperate Hours
You’re the Woman Trapped Inside a Man
I Want To Hold Your Hand
Little Child
Qualified to Love
Thunderball
Unfriend Me
The Lights Go Down and Out
The Way You Look Tonight
I’m Your Creation
Beauty Sleep

First time performances indicated in gray with asterisk *, see?